The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .

But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that many of his clients have fallen into the continue reading this Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay males wish check these guys out to find out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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